January 25th 2020

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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY Wildfires: Lessons from the past not yet learnt

EDITORIAL America 'resets' foreign policy on China and Russia

CANBERRA OBSERVED After the fires, we still need an economy and to power it

GENDER POLITICS In trans Newspeak, parental consent is a 'hurdle'

REFLECTION Conjugal honour: Love of husband and wife joined together in pure intimacy

LIFE ISSUES Pro-lifers punished for exposing baby harvesting

LAW AND SOCIETY Cardinal Pell and the Appeal Court judges

LITERATURE AND SOCIETY The poetry of Distributism

AUSTRALIAN HISTORY Botany Bay: Always more than a dumping ground

INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS Finally getting Brexit done

HUMOUR The MacStuttles probe

MUSIC From retch to wretched

CINEMA Three times the bravura: 1917, The Gentlemen, Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon

BOOK REVIEW The contradictions of the dominant ideology

BOOK REVIEW Novel celebrates inventor of literary fairytales



HUMAN RIGHTS A Magnitsky-style law for Australia?

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The MacStuttles probe

by Otto von Paulsen

News Weekly, January 25, 2020

Mr Patrick MacStuttles, head of activist climate stable organisation Creation Celebration, is facing impeachment for climate emergency denial.

Since MacStuttles assumed the presidency of Creation Celebration, Australia has been living a “reign of pray-or”. His positive posse of conscientious climate collaborators will appear anywhere, with their chirpy chants, “dear” gas, cleaning products and acts of civil obedience and cooperation with authorities.

That other bloke under a cloud,
whatever his name is.

The president’s daughter, a glam part of the movement, even addressed the United Nations.

After travelling to New York in a nuclear-powered hot-air balloon, Maria MacStuttles, a stunning young woman with French plaits, quite out of character blasted the delegates: “Right now, is anybody lacking anything, or suffering anything because of the climate? Nobody here looks starving, thirsty or crook!

“How dare you! Only God controls the future, not you lot. Give thanks, UN. Stop whinging, Mr Guterres. Rather than going swimming with your trousers rolled up, roll them back down and kneel. Everyone should give thanks for the Father’s gifts. Let us pray, be grateful to God for sustaining His beautiful creation with such a wonderful climate.”

The speech outraged the UN. There was a bit of push and shove afterwards but then Mrs Joan MacStuttles, Maria’s mother, acquiesced to leaving the General Assembly and everything settled down.

The + size supermodels Mother and daughter, media scrum in tow, were later spotted at Aussie Dave’s Dinkum BBQ on Hudson, tucking in to some sizey Wagyu’s and a bottle of Riesling. New York City was agog/enchanted by the curves and entranced by the intellects of this Great Southlandic pair.

It is the work of undercover journo Bill “Bionic Ear” Bull, however, that may bring down the President. Here is the transcript of a recording taken at the Pharaoh and Fig Hotel. The conversation is between President MacStuttles and known Vatican operative and hard man DI Father Bruce Rock.

Detective Inspector Father Bruce: Grab that waitress, I’ll have a G&T, MacStuttles.

MacStuttles: Righto. Two G&Ts, please, ma’am. How you going Bruce? Anything in the paper?

DIFB: Just more greenie punks and this Dr Christian Sledger writing on climate change. What a fair dinkum drongo; I’ve never read such bulldust!

Mac: He’s alright. I know ’im, he’s a mate o’ mine, he lives across the road, in that mansion

DIFB: Sledger’s an oily harlequin! He hasn’t got a clue! So, what’s on tomorrow, MacStuttles?

Mac: Noisy activism, chanting, singing, statues, signs and symbolism. Then, after Mass …

DIFB: Righto. After, do you want me to smash up a few green-punk gatherings, hurry ’em up a bit?

Mac: No punch-ups, please, Bruce. Just pick up the placards, glue, sticky-tape, for the demo.

DIFB: Righto, Pat, but if they come at me … ! So, the arts and crafts session kicks off about 2.30?

Mac: Yeah, in the parish hall. We’ve gotta be wrapped up by five. Father Ray’s got Basilica Bingo on. Here come our drinks. …

Although no one knows what “impeachment” actually means – or climate change or Creation Celebration, for that matter – proceedings get under way against President MacStuttles next month.

Otto Von Paulson  is Editor-in-Chief of The Daily Irker.

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Last Modified:
April 4, 2018, 6:45 pm