November 2nd 2019


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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY Murray-Darling Basin Plan based on debunked science

CANBERRA OBSERVED What does it take to knock down GetUp?

TECHNOLOGY Beijing's push to dominate world supply of electronics components

INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS Hong Kong protestors speak candidly to NCC, as Xi threat calls Tiananmen to mind

LIFE ISSUES Of foetuses and fallacies

LIFE ISSUES To hold the hand ... an answer to euthanasia

LIFE ISSUES Melbourne and Brisbane on the march

QUEENSLAND AFA/NCC forum addresses euthanasia legislation

THE ENVIRONMENT Fresh visit to the Great Barrier Reef in its death throes

COLD WAR HISTORY Was the Vietnam War worth fighting?

HUMOUR England United, and all that ... but with Hume?

MUSIC Usage and abusage: Words what got rhythm

CINEMA AND CULTURE The mirror of villainy

BOOK REVIEW Eclectic example of genre of decline

BOOK REVIEW Brief battle a model for combined arms

LETTERS

RELIGIOUS FREEDOM ABC survey finds majority agree there is unfair discrimination against religious Australians

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HUMOUR
England United, and all that ... but with Hume?


by Pat McStuttles, Theobogan

News Weekly, November 2, 2019

Good on you, Ripper Boris, on becoming leader of the UK! From all of us here in the Convict Colony, well done, mate. It’s a great achievement to become boss man of such a proud land, England; a land which of course will always be Australia’s Mother (Goose) Country. Good one, Captain Cook!

By now, Boris, you should have received the special Give it a Burl Gift Swag that my wife Joan put together for you on your success; partaken of the Anzac biscuits, lamingtons and pavlova that she baked, road-tested the boome­rang-shaped hairbrush and tried on the three new pairs of jocks and socks!

Joan just couldn’t help herself! When she saw you on TV, she wanted to mother you immediately, reversing the usual direction of the Mother Country maternal flow.

Now, about Brexit, Boris. Your Theobogan has a few tips. I’m 100 per cent behind England pulling up stumps, decamping the EU in a westerly direction. Why you joined that bunch of Godless Psycho Socialists (GPS) in the first place is anybody’s guess!

But crikey, BoJo, this is not the first Brexit England has pulled, is it? This latest uproot you are about to attempt should really be called Brexit 2!

King Henry VIII performed the first Brexit. In Henry’s day there was a European Union too, only it was called something else: Western Christendom. Proof you were once connected: your nation’s flag is the red cross of Saint George. This bloke George is all over Europe (Georgia, Italy, etc). Saint George is the Patron Saint of England; your flag is his banner. We’ve got Georgie Boy on our flag too! That’s why the GPS crowd want to get rid of it!

At his coronation, Henry VIII swore allegiance to this European Union of Christendom. Henry’s kingdom, England, was all the way in, the most Christian of places – even St Patrick himself was a Pom – with a church on every corner and every second sheila named Mary. Shake a tree anywhere in England then, and a saint would drop out! Shake a tree now and you’ll be charged with Highway Shrubbery! (EU Law).

With Henry, and EU One, most know what happened. A sheila not named Mary, but Anne, put a right royal wrecking ball through the whole set-up! “We’re out!” says Henry.

Operation Brexit I begins and the slogan “No Potpourri!” gets a run on popular shows of the time, like Better Castles and Gardens! Henry rejigs the Church.

And he starts swinging the axe! For Henry’s Brexit, Brussels wasn’t his master but Rome, “so anything Roman, has got to go man!” Never mind that Rome was the New Jerusalem, and the Romans had mapped out Londinium for him; in the words of the great philosopher, Vince Sorrenti, “they came, they saw, they concreted!”

Fast-forward to 1973: the current EU cranks up, and the UK reconnects with Europe. Western Christian civilisation was an attempt by the Monarchies and the Church, with all their faults, to organise a global society around one main principle: Jesus is Lord! With new EU, [Insert current philosophical trend here] is Lord!

New EU borrowed a heap off old EU, including its flag; though they airbrushed Mary, the Mother of Jesus, out of their circle of stars – kept the blue though!

Boris, by all means, exit this miserable Marxist melange, for I MacStuttles think ultimately the EU is effed! However, once out, plug straight back in to the old European (Global) Union, Western Christian civilisation. Fair dinkum, you know your nation used to lead it! And there is a heartbeat (you can probably see Westminster Abbey from where your standing now).

Boris, you and mighty England might be able to reboot Western Christian civilisation itself! Australia and the United States would surely join such a Premier League. Pull this off, mate, and you’ll be BoJo the Magnificent!

Pat MacStuttles,
Theobogan

PS: I hope the new jocks Joan sent over aren’t too tight! And Joan says to brush your hair! And tuck your shirt in! If you can’t be an International statesman of great renown at least you can look like one!




























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