June 29th 2019


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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY John Setka, for all his faults, is the perfect scapegoat

FIGHTING FUND NCC president Patrick J. Byrne outlines the goals for 2019

SPECIAL FEATURE Author Rod Dreher brings St Benedict to bear on our decline and fall

INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS One million protest China's attack on Hong Kong's freedom

GENDER POLITICS Vatican issues document on gender ideology

POLITICS AND SOCIETY New secularist strategies to bury Christianity

HISTORY OF SCIENCE Faith and reason and Father Stanley Jaki, Part 4: Ancient Jewish view of the cosmos

NATIONAL AFFAIRS Cardinal Pell's appeal: An account from the live streaming

BANKING FEATURE Greed works ... at least for a while and for a few

IDEOLOGY Feminist claims for equality, Part 2: What feminism should be

IDEOLOGY WARS Roger Scruton and the Tories: a sorry tale

MUSIC Melodic abundance: John, Paul, Duke and Antonio

CINEMA The End: Staging the apocalypse

BOOK REVIEW Scenes from Dante's Inferno

BOOK REVIEW Mrs Gould: she who drew the pictures

LETTERS

POETRY

NATIONAL AFFAIRS A Q&A to clarify issues in Cardinal Pell's appeal

HUMOUR A Western flop lob-story and that

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News Weekly, June 29, 2019

Patrick McStuttles’ culinary excursion

You may have missed it in the East but, in WA, our State Labor Government recently tried to implement The Crayfish Manifesto, by snorkel-barrelling rock lobsters. During the fishy affair, Labor closed down Parliament and turned it into “The People’s Restaurant”.

The ALP’s half-baked bean counters cooked up a slogan for their Narelle & Neville Nibbler: “No matter what you order, the dishes cost the same – unless you’re rich, then we’ll charge like a wounded bull!”

Sure, the motto was a bit of a mouthful, but so is Hegel’s Critique on the Superiority of Right! Your Theobogan decided to take his lovely wife Joan out, to The People’s, for tea …

Narelle, sorry, I mean Joan, and me, all pooned up, cruise in the Macstuttlesmobile to Harvest Terrace, to what used to be called State Parliament. Struth! The Polly precinct’s gone Stove/Viet: transformed into a sand(groper)bag fortress, with only one way in, Checkpoint Chargrill!

A bloke in a Kim Jong-un Safari Suit, holding a clipboard, checks our tax returns and gives my van (a purple people mover pastiched with Christian iconography paintwork) the once over. Safari Suit, a look of disdain on his otherwise deadpan face, makes a mark in the “rich” column and lifts the shroom gate.

Maître D Mark McGowan salutes us at the revolving door, then shows us to our marginal seats, next to the Debt Up sponsored fish tank. Hot pot luck! In the People’s kitchen, General Chef-atary and First among Sea Grills (a rotating rotisserie sort of position) Anthony Albanese, is doing the lot: Stalin Burgers, Trotsky Truffles, Solidarity and Chips; and the entire menu is fare go, it’s all on spesh. Too bad we’ve been bourgeois badged … flaming rich list!

Despite the cost blowout, I go with pinko salmon, Mao bree buns and a Lenin merengue pie. Joan orders prole paella, reactionary rock lobster and eggs Engels. Adding to the inclusive ambience of The People’s, a barbershop cooperative quartet wearing overalls serenades with “The workers and crayfish will never be divided, the workers and crayfish will never be divided …” and other cooking classics like Solidarity and Chips Forever and The Inter-Mashenarle.

We wash down our stodgy meal with a bottle of Marxist River Co-Op red. The wine is bland, a bit tired, almost clichéd – indicative of the entire meal, really; lacking fruit and spark. The repast? All a bit four-bob Robbo! Comrade Coffees, Gulag Gateau and Means of Production Mints finish our bite night off.

Joan rates one and a half Stove/Viet stars; me, half a meat hammer and sickle. 

Alas, for Western Australia, the Communal Crustacean Concept Cafe didn’t last and had to close. Parliament reopened. The Labor Party ordered an extensive enquiry into its Village (People’s) Venture.

Findings? Their mess hall had been a mess; the fishing, game, and restaurant business is even more cutthroat and competitive than Parliament: it’s a free market free for all out there. They needed a much better plan. The cray quota and restaurant were fishcally irresponsible, so best return to democracy sausages.

The ALP vowed to never interfere in food and beverage again. The (wine) case was closed, filed under the heading, Vealpolitik! and that ...

Your Theobogan,
Patrick MacStuttles




























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