July 13th 2019


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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY Transgender birth certificates: No sex, please, we're Victorian

EDITORIAL Laws, sporting bodies, the AHRC: Abolishing women's rights in sport

CANBERRA OBSERVED Did Turnbull attempt the constitutional gambit?

FOREIGN AFFAIRS China kills prisoners on an industrial scale to obtain transplant organs

NATIONAL AFFAIRS A Q&A to clarify issues in Cardinal Pell's appeal

REFLECTION ON GENDER Male and female He created them: A teaching moment

HISTORY OF SCIENCE Faith and reason and Father Stanley Jaki, Part 5: The cosmos in the New Testament

CULTURE OF DEATH Melinda Gates and other wealthy lemmings lead the race to dusty death

EUTHANASIA Death comes to the Garden State: A blunt view

ASIAN HISTORY Dien Bien Phu: Curtain raiser to bigger conflict

HISTORY AND RELIGION Faith in reason alone gives more heat than light

BOOK REVIEW Roadmap to the law and transgenderism

HUMOUR The last act is bloody ...

MUSIC Dull Tune? Arrangements can be made

CINEMA Tolkien: Captures the storyteller but not the man

BOOK REVIEW We have nothing to fear but fear itself

BOOK REVIEW The days of calm before the storm

NATIONAL AFFAIRS High power prices lead to more deaths of elderly

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HUMOUR
The last act is bloody ...




News Weekly, July 13, 2019

In your Theobogan’s home state of Western Australia, our Labor Government seeks to copy Victoria, and introduce, Sandgroper side, something called assisted dying. At first, I dismissed it all as just another hare-brained Labor scheme for the Hairdresser/Fashion Collective: you know, compulsory state-sponsored rainbow colouring of coifs and caftans and that. But then I learned the guts of the matter.

The exit: Subtle but cost effective and nutritious.

 

Considering Mr and Mrs MacStuttles are doing it tough, poor as the proverbial church mice we are, I said to Joan the other night, as we huddled around the electric light bulb for warmth: “Couldn’t someone in the Government come up with an assisted living package, Joan? It’s not a good time to get crook, love, the Government will do for us!”

I think our political overlords have been listening too much to the likes of Philip Nitschke and his macabre mob, Exit International (sounds like a tennis tournament). This is one club you do not want to go down to for a few drinks and a bit of a hit-up! You’ll lose more than the match or a couple of tennis balls over the back fence – game, set and life, Mr MacStuttles.

Your Theobogan began speculating about “See Ya later, Global”. Like most organisations, there must have been, at some stage, a power struggle in the top ranks of Exit International.

Word has filtered up to CEO Philip Nitschke that someone in the organisation is planning to roll him. But who? Is it his chief entertainments officer? He that arranges bingo at the crematorium, the nonvivial one-way holidays to Switzerland, and the Dancefloor Dissed-goes?

Or is it the woman in charge of fundraising, tired of getting bossed around, and the endless Wake Stalls, Lamentation Drives, selling shuffle books and preparing countless questions for the Is (not) nights? (She wields a lot of power already, Beryl-Sue Banshee; not much revenue is recovered from overdue membership fees, that’s for sure!)

Perhaps the challenger is the 20-year veteran head of sanitation, who didn’t like the new slogan the executive committee just ratified: “Exit International: Once you sign on, its sayonara”; or maybe it’s the disgruntled apparatchik that got snubbed at the Exit International Christmas Party/Morale Booster Barbecue, when he missed out on the last of the Devil’s on Horseback?

Concerned boss Nitschke convenes an emergency meeting of the executive. The council pours over the membership List. OK, it’s shrunk since last year (Exit International is the only organisation in history that views a decline in membership as a sign of success!) but anyone here on its books could be the coup’s captain.

Nitschke comes across a name and taps his index finger several times upon it.

“The ringleader has got to be Trevor Neville Scrubly,” he announces triumphantly. “This bloke Scrubly is the only individual we at Exit International have ever made a life member!”

Pat MacStuttles, Theobogan,
Live (so far) from Perth




























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April 4, 2018, 6:45 pm