June 1st 2019

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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY Scomo routs Labor, the Green, GetUp and the left-wing media by Patrick J. Byrne and Peter Westmore

CANBERRA OBSERVED Surprise! Polls aren't what they used to be

GENDER POLITICS The true cost of childhood gender reassignment

OBITUARY Bob Hawke, R.I.P.: astute politician, flawed policies

POETRY AND SOCIETY T.S. Eliot and the modern condition

WATER POLICY The time is ripe to revisit the Bradfield scheme

ASIAN AFFAIRS Taiwan upgrades U.S. links, asserts sovereignty

NATIONAL AFFAIRS Recapping the trial as Cardinal Pell's appeal approaches

THE FAMILY AND SOCIETY Working to bring down the Sexual Revolution

HISTORY OF SCIENCE Faith and reason and Father Stanley Jaki Part 2: Science and ancient cultures

HUMOUR A tidy planet is a happy planet

MUSIC Charles Ives: Modern elements aimed at sounding good

CINEMA John Wick 1: The lighting of the fuse

BOOK REVIEW Novelised true crime a true thriller

BOOK REVIEW The experiences of Phoebe Raye



FEDERAL ELECTION Queensland voted for jobs, life and country

NATIONAL AFFAIRS The trial of Cardinal Pell ... an injustice

EUTHANASIA D Day - June 19, 2019 - Voluntary Assisted Dying Act 2017 begins operation

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A tidy planet is a happy planet

by Paul Nicholls

News Weekly, June 1, 2019

What to make of this current climate-change cringy cres­cendo? The urgency? An emergency? It’s playing out like a modern version of a classic TV show. It’s time for Earthyard Blitz. Episode one gazillion and seven (evolution numbering timescale; not actual, that is, God’s)

Host, climate mandarin and chief presenter Richard Di Natale addresses his crack retinue, saying something like this:

“Hurry, Earth team, we’ve got to rake the outback, sweep Uluru, pool scoop the Pacific, harry the coal criminals, foil the farmer felons and renovate our poor social-justice warrior couple Skye and Geronimo’s eco-humpy … and we’ve only got 30 minutes to do it! Can you buy us any more time, Deputy Shorten?”

Live cross to the Cafe de Pagan.

Di Natale disciple and co-host Deputy Shorten answers something like this:

“Negatory, Your Eminence. I don’t think I can stall Skye and Geronimo any longer, they’ve had a gutful and want to go home.

“We had a lovely eco-friendly meal of lentils and chips, but I got into an argument with the cafe owner about the cost, then about what the charge would have been of not having lentils and chips, and also what the price is going to be if we come back to his cafe in the future and not have them again.”

It all reminds me of an old joke, similarly rebooted like Earthyard Blitz. We’re in for a checkup. Dr Di Natale and Nurse Shorten give us, a feeling crook Australia, only 20 years to live. We explain that we can’t pay the bill in time, so they give us another 20.

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Last Modified:
April 4, 2018, 6:45 pm