April 8th 2017


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Articles from this issue:

COVER STORY Euthanasia: shutting up by shouting down

EUTHANASIA British actress tells it like it is

CANBERRA OBSERVED Move on 18C a return to a classic Liberal position

EDITORIAL Kowtowing to China is a serious mistake

ENERGY Hazelwood is vital to Australia's power supply

FOREIGN AFFAIRS UK sets out on the bumpy road to Brexit

QUEENSLAND Women have a victory over the abortion industry

BEHIND THE NEWS Ataturk and modern Turkey out of the shadow

WEST AUSTRALIAN ELECTION Unions and Emily's Listers reap WA Labor's harvest

LITERATURE The Napoleon of Notting Hill: Chesterton for today

HUMOUR Excerpts from the revised and updated edition of Forget's Dictionary of Inaccurate Facts, Furphys and Falsehoods

MUSIC Program notes: Jazz's two-tiered appeal

CINEMA The Boss Baby: Tots that mean business

BOOK REVIEW End to history nowhere in sight

BOOK REVIEW That sinking feeling

LETTERS

POETRY

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HUMOUR
Excerpts from the revised and updated edition of Forget's Dictionary of Inaccurate Facts, Furphys and Falsehoods


by Sebastian Gunlighter

News Weekly, April 8, 2017

Bananarama: Bananas as far as the eye can see.

Balderdash: The 100-metre event at the Follically Challenged Olympics.

Barney: A fight with a purple dinosaur.

BBL: Building Blocks of Life, technical chemical formulation of stout.

Bonnie Prince Charlie: A Scottish anthem. Also, a pint of ale in the Lowlands.

Capsicum spray: Garnishment on a plate of hor d’ouevres.

Cavalier attitude: Being hanged for a ruffle as a lamb.

Crash dummy: As in, “If you drink and drive, you’re a crash dummy!”

Oliver Cromwell: Head of Charles the First’s last gibbet.

Crud: Noun, valuables.

Cubism: Painting for advanced squares.

DNA: DioNaphtaAmoniate, a nonflammable dye used in erecting boxing rings.

Eureka Stockade: House wine served on the Ballaarat oilfields. It was so bad, and left such a stench, it became a byword: “You reek o’ Stockade.”

Faux pas: In ballroom dancing, to step on the heel of another dancer, not your partner.

Fetal position: Where you put your feet while watching telly.

Flashcard: Computing term, I think.

Foxtrot: In ballroom dancing, to step in the leavings of Renard.

Freudian slip: Your mum’s nightie.

The Gettysberg Address: Lincoln’s childhood home.

India ink: A subcontinental corporation.

Japan Inc: Oriental caligraphy.

Jefe: Spanish, Jeff, or, sometimes, Geoff.

Maximum: The mother of the inventor of the machinegun.

Menage a trois: French, The zoo closes at 3pm.

Omar Kyam: Persian for Khalil Gibran.

Overachiever: Winner in a tobacco-spitting contest.

Parasailing: Sailing for paraplegics.

Pilot light: Low-alcohol beverage from the Virgin Islands.

George Washington: Author of the classic textbook on bio-ethnology, An Introduction to Bio-Ethnology Concepts and Weight-for-Age Horse Racing. Hobbies: horticulture, telling the truth; clubs: Elmo’s Firewater Shack, The Whitehouse.

Wee: Ironic, Scottish; little, as in, “I’ll have a wee dram.”




























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